Well, I outdid myself today. Not only did my second submitted draft manage to insult the writing sensibilities of almost all of my classmates, it got the guest panelist so mad that, had she channeled her mentor, the venerable Francisco Arcellana, not only would my draft have been torn up and burned right there, I would have been run out of the classroom. Even my professor was pissed, so much so that I got a ‘no comment’. From her, that’s very bad.
Although I explained that it was never my intent to piss everyone off (in situations like this, I just hate Death of the Author), in the end it just sounded like I was making excuses for myself. I’m an awkward and clumsy writer, I admit it, but that doesn’t excuse the travesty I unleashed upon everyone. I’ve experienced some bad spots in my (very short) academic writing career, but today was really an all-new low. I mean, being mediocre is one thing, but antagonizing the people who I need help from… I’m don’t know how to handle that.
Obviously I’m depressed. Not surprisingly, I spent the next three hours wandering around the metropolis in an unfeeling daze. My mind literally went blank, that was how bad I felt. The next thing I knew, I was close to the Mall of Asia, which was getting filled by crowds of people wanting to watch the finale to the Pyro Olympics. It’s a miracle that I somehow avoided getting in some kind of trouble during that time, but it brought me no comfort. I mean, how would someone react to something like that? I’m not even sure how to apologize or make up for it to my classmates and professor. I just don’t know.
The most logical thing to do is to take everything that’s been said and start from scratch, but I’m still unsure. Will the rewrite be any better? What once was torn down can be built up again much more robust than before, but the construction still depends on the attitude of the builder, and at this point I’m not feeling all that great.
*sigh* I better shape up quickly though. It’s the home stretch, and it’s imperative that I finish an acceptable rewrite. Damn these eyes… This is going to be an uphill struggle for me, and I’m not sure I’m going to be up to it.