Burning Wreck

September 30, 2010

On a less movie-related matter, I just received a text message that pretty much spelled it out to me that I didn’t get the part-time job I applied for yesterday. I’m both relieved and disappointed; relieved in part because, from what I’ve gathered at the actual application, the account being handled is rather complex and stress-inducing, and disappointed because for all that running around (I went there around 10:30 AM, and the last test ended an hour and a half past midnight) I’m still jobless.  Argh.

I’m going to have to endure more of my sister’s jibes for now, but seriously being penniless doesn’t feel good.  At all.  Especially with bills looming over the horizon.


Contemplating Mortality

September 30, 2010

I just finished watching Yōjirō Takita’s Departures this morning, but I’m still trying to digest what I’ve learned from the movie in preparation for writing the review I’m required to submit this Saturday.  Even for someone who isn’t as versed in the techniques, and the language of cinema, there’s a lot to write about the movie, like its nuances, use of symbolism, or even its overt sentimentality… But surprisingly I’m hesitant to even begin.  I guess it’s because, even as a member of a very remote audience, I’m uncomfortable at the topic of Death.

And it’s not just because of Death itself (thoughts of my inevitable mortality, and that of my loved ones, always leave me in a melancholic mood), but the presentation (even in acting), of the handling and preparation of dead people for their final journeys.  As shameful as it is for me to admit, I can’t just look at the remains of people; it’s two parts visceral fear, and one part me not accepting that the body lying in repose is no longer a living person, but remains.  Leavings of a life that had long since ceased.

It’s doubly shameful when the person lying in state is someone I knew, or part of my extended family. I mean, it’s what amounts to the last time I’d see them, and yet I avert my eyes.  Do I prefer my memories, despite the inevitable degradation they would experience in time, to the cold truth in front of me?  Perhaps.

I can’t imagine what it would be life to handle a dead body, as the movie protagonist Daigo does; I guess I’m just too sensitive (how my sister would laugh!), or too squeamish to even think about it.  Yet someone has to do it, and it becomes all-too-apparent that the service Daigo and his elderly employer-come-master Sasaki does is an important duty: giving the person who had passed on one last bit of dignity before his or her loved ones say goodbye for real.  The departed deserves no less.

Not Expecting Much

September 29, 2010

I just got back from another interview for another part-time position in yet another BPO-focused company.  This one went relatively better than the one that preceded it, but as with all things it’s far too early to get excited about this.  There’s still the so-called operations interview later this evening, and who knows how that will go?

Yeah, one can see that I’m just so confident after this one.  I guess after a string of disappointments (especially since I always seem to get shot down at the final interview, due to conflicts with my school schedule), it’s really hard to look at prospects like this with any kind of enthusiasm.  If I do get hired, then yay; if not, then it’s nothing I’ll lose sleep over.

Hmm, there’s more than four hours before my operations interview.  I suppose I can catch some sleep… Or play Starcraft 2, or Recettear.  Speaking of which, the sales numbers for the little game that could just came in, and to say that they’re good (especially when one considers the indie nature of the game) is an understatement.  Good job, Recette!

Out of My System

September 28, 2010

I suppose the fact that I’m not feeling as annoyed now compared to yesterday evening means that all that frustration (at not getting the part-time job I wanted) has passed out of my system.  On the down side, due to the fact that I had to turn to video games to exorcise the aforementioned frustration, I’m feeling a little sleepy.  Ah, the consequence of playing through the night, I guess.

It’s a temporary balm to my worries however, as my looming savings crisis has just gotten a whole lot graver with the arrival of next month’s wave of credit card payments and household bills.  I really need to get a job, and soon, but my best prospect right now is that Chevron gig, though I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes too high on that one.

So here I am, with nothing to do again.  No, that’s not exactly true, as I have assignments for this Saturday that need tending.  I’m just waiting on the torrent of Departures to finish, so I can watch it and actually write the two-page review I’m required to submit.  It should be fun.

Not Surprised At All

September 27, 2010

I kind of expected it.  The job interview I went to early this afternoon, though it started pretty well, crash and burned during the final interview the moment the schedule came into the conversation.  And it was supposed to be a part-time thing too; just what is it with these companies and weekend day schedules anyway?

I’ve got another job prospect with a company handling the Chevron account, and really I’ve come to the point where any kind of gainful employment is welcome, but I wonder if I can handle the stress.  The schedule is fixed, thankfully, but it has a different complication of its own: its Friday schedule is from eight in the evening to five in the morning, meaning that after work I’ll have to rush to school for classes, without rest in between.

Will it be worth it in the end, I wonder, if I accept the Chevron offer?  I’ll be employed again, but the fact that I’ll be heading to my classes without sleep will have its effects on my studies.  I just hope I don’t collapse from the strain.

Anyway I managed to work through the frustration of not getting hired (which I really though was a sure thing, due to it being a part-time thing) through a few multiplayer games of Starcraft 2.  I played with a few folks from Animesuki, (ArchonWing and Saintless Heart to be specific) and while we lost more than we won (as evidenced by the fact that I landed in Bronze in the 2v2 league), it helped with the disappointment I felt.

I guess I’ll keep busy with the assignments Dr. Baytan assigned the class for the week: a 2-page review for Yojiro Takita’s Departures, and some research on four journals that focus on Literature and Creative Writing.

Back to Scratch

September 26, 2010

It’s been a terribly unproductive weekend for me, as the only noteworthy thing I was able to accomplish today was… gain back some of the in-game Achievements I lost when I started playing in the North American server of Starcraft 2. Yeah, it’s pathetic, but it only shows just how much I need to set goals — any kind of goal, really — to be able to make the most of my weekend.  Yes, I realize it’s a strange thing to obsess over given the fact that, since I don’t have any work (yet, but I have an interview tomorrow morning for hopefully a part-time BPO position), most of my week is free, but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling that I’ve wasted my day.

It’s not a total wash though; I can still go to bed early, and finally sleep like a normal person again, after almost a week’s worth of sleepless nights.  If I can only avoid Recettear… And not for the addictive gaming, but for all the tempting Photoshop possibilities that could be had from it. OCD diversions to the extreme…

Dead Tired

September 25, 2010

As the title says.  I need to catch up on sleep, so I won’t do a lengthy post.  Isn’t fatigue grand?