The Evils Of Free Time

One of the things that I don’t like about not going to work every day is… it gives me time alone to think. Given how inherently negative I am, this means that my mental meanderings often lead to rather unhappy places. I’m kind of surprised that I haven’t curled up in a ball of angst huddled in a corner of my room at this point.  

It’s always the same. I always hesitate in starting what I’ve been mentally wishing to do for years, or how I never ever finish anything I’ve actually begun. Stuff like that. It’s funny, really, now that I actually have free time to actually do something, I just spend it all browsing the internet, reading other people’s works, and ending up feeling jealous at all these other people out there who’re not spending their days doing nothing, but actually being able to create something.

And then the self-loathing sets in, in how I’m too much of a big sissy to put in the effort to be like these people, too afraid of the actual hard work that goes into creating something like a novella, or even a web serial. Terrified to see if I’m really just a dabbler in the end, a poser… A hack.

Yes, free time for me is a terrible thing.


One thought on “The Evils Of Free Time

  1. I’m not sure whether or not any remarks would constitute unsolicited advice, but if I may offer my thoughts: I think that it boils down to what it is that you like doing. For example, the authors and creators tend to find a certain joy in crafting a fictional world or a moving narrative, and so, will be motivated to continue making things because they find it fun. Yes, it’s hard work, but the payoff (whether it be the satisfaction of having made something for others to enjoy, interacting with one’s audience or knowing what one is making is helping others) can make it worth every second. I draw and write iOS apps in my spare time, and although those hobbies are more for myself than, say, what a writer can produce, it’s still rewarding to watch something take shape, and I daresay that in the end, it makes the hard work well worth it. So, if you find a creative activity that you like, it won’t really feel like work at all.

    If it’s getting started that’s bothering you, one of my friends’ advice is to simply give it a shot. While it can be difficult to shake the sense of doubt, you still can do everything to the best of your ability, and knowing that you tried, there won’t be any regrets. With that being said, it’s ultimately your decision, but I hope that helps.

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